Saying What You Need To Hear

I once had a client who told me that she was almost always telling people what they wanted to hear. I asked her, “Or are you saying what you think they want to hear?” She paused and told me she wasn’t sure. But she did know that when she had session with me, she found herself saying things she needed to hear. “How can you do that more often?” I asked her. “Maybe when I really can believe it outside these four walls,” was her reply. Do you find yourself saying what others want you to say, or you think they want you to say? We all do it from time to time. “How are you?” “I am great!” (When the reality is that you slept poorly the night before and you have a tension headache and you just don’t have the strength to discuss any of it with them.)

Sometimes just going with the flow of the conversation is the best, though it may not always be the most honest, but little is served with expanding. BUT there are those times when our honesty not only serves us or the relationship but our future as well. If we continue to not telling people our Truth, we begin to deny ourselves of it. And then we run the risk of not recognizing it, not trusting it or worse yet, not even being able to hear it.

My client could borrow the trust in our relationship to tell her self what she needed to hear, to speak her truth. She was able to recognize she needed to break the cycle. And in the safety of our relationship she could have the courage to speak it, hear it and believe it. With time we worked on expanding outside the four walls, bringing this attention to truth into her daily life and having the courage to speak it.

It takes times for patterns to be broken, because it takes time for them to be born. But the more they are stroked and fed, by our selves, by our family and friends or by society, the stronger they become. Speaking our Truth is not always welcomed. It can cause waves of energies around us that ruffle people’s feathers, cause them to doubt their own patterns, and can be an affront to what has become the accepted norm in our society.

It takes courage to take the risk. It takes an effort to break the pattern. It takes desire to be authentic and it helps to have an a community that supports this. Do you have a community that applauds your efforts to speak your Truth? Do your friends celebrate when you take a risk to say something that is not the expected norm? Do you listen to your words with compassion and understanding, allowing your honesty to be bold and brave?

Sometimes starting in a journal is a great place to practice. Just the simple release of the energies surrounding our Truth empowers us greatly. Sometimes sharing an excerpt or two with a trusted confident and witnessing their understanding, appreciation or acceptance alters the belief that we are not worthy of this Truth. Eventually, with time, the pattern gets challenged and begins to break apart. We find our selves no longer wanting to only tell people what they want to hear, but instead begin to say what we need to hear. We step into our power more fully, even if it is for brief moments scattered throughout the day. And surprisingly, it begins to get mirrored back to us. People begin to believe your Truth as much as they believed your mis-truth! Affirmation, affirmation, affirmation!

Boulders On The Path

Showing up and being present is a powerful way to enter your day and walk your path. But is also a sure way to be certain that you will annoy someone. Having strong opinions, beliefs and intentions are dynamic forces of expression and creativity. AND they ruffle feathers. I have learned that if I am not creating some sort of resistance then I am not being fully authentic. That is not to say that I am being confrontational or rude. But my days of people pleasing are over. I show up, with my convictions and my intentions and hope that my light will shine brightly. For some, they may believe it is too bright, or perhaps not bright enough. So be it. I am a woman of spirit, every day doing my best to bring my truth forward, to be open to possibilities and to live as consciously as I can. It may offend some. It may push others buttons. And it may disappoint others too. But it is all I can do to direct my energy on myself and not be concerned with the beliefs of others and their point of view of me. As a child I strove for acceptance from others. My self-esteem could have been measured by the praise or criticism others paid me. I did not have a reserve within to draw from during low points or during times of trial and test. It wasn’t until later in life that I became aware that my self-worth, my self acceptance and my inner beliefs could not be my personal truth if I continued to look to others for their take on me.

Freedom came in that moment! Freedom to walk my path and to create the life I hoped for. And surprisingly it was so much easier. Living up to others expectations and even, and I believe this was far worse for me, even restraining myself to not shine too brightly and appear overconfident or full of myself to others, was taxing. To awake each day and set my own intentions, hold vision to my own goals, to encourage and stretch myself and to allow myself time to learn, to pause and soak up a life’s lesson…all this became my dance of freedom.

I cut the invisible tie I had tethered to myself and to others point of view of me, my life and my successes and failures. This release has meant dedication to me. This severing was sometimes frightening and often exciting. This liberation allowed room for growth and expansion. This emancipation meant I was allowing myself to make mistakes, beautiful and glorious mistakes and not be laden with shame, guilt or over criticism of my efforts.

It was only with this that my evolution to authenticity began. It soon was thriving. It was many times messy and complicated. I learned to slow down, to find my own pace and tempo. And when I was ready I would propel my self forward, taking leaps of faith, enjoying calculated risks and exploring unknown territories of my life’s journey.

Letting go of the concern of what others thought, said or believed made the necessary difference for me to live the life intended by Spirit. There were the naysayers and disapprovers then and there are those now. The names and faces may have changed but their presence remains. But most importantly, I have changed. I am aware that my actions and beliefs will always cause some comment or critique. I casually observe and step over what does not serve me. These are no longer boulders blocking my path. Now, I rarely even stub my toe!

Blessings ~ Lisa

©COPYRIGHT 2012 Lisa Meade

Transitions

One of the most difficult transitions one makes in their lifetime is from trying to fit in and be part of the group to embracing our unique individuality and becoming more independent. For some it happens in early adulthood with a strident break from the family tribe, often with some drama and emotion attached. (This I know to be true, having lived through it now with four of my five children…and we all survived!) For others it is a more gradual transition that happens over time with various life experiences that urge us on. Regardless of when or how it unfolds, it is a necessary transition. Many times we are afraid of being ourselves. We are afraid of being unique and different and being what the Universe brought to life within us. We are afraid of being individually powerful and even successful. For as long as we possibly can, we make a compromise. We try to live both lives - the dependent tribal life and the independent personal life - as contradictory and opposite as they are. But that compromise keeps us bring being our brightest self. It keeps us small. It does not allow our unique individuality shine out to the world. If you believe you were brought to this moment in time, this place, within this life -time for a reason, then doesn’t it make sense to bring it on! Doesn’t it make sense that whatever perspective, gifts, abilities and unique individuality you own have a purpose? If we do not take those brave steps forward and embrace our individuality and identity we are not only short-changing ourselves but also those who cross our path. As with many transitions, it takes faith, trial and error and effort. Faith – believing you have it in you…your already are a unique personal and have all of these gifts and blessings within. They are waiting for their opportunity to be revealed and shared! Trial and error – because it is new to us, we may not get it right the first time or even the next. It may take some time to find our way, to find what feels right, and to live if authentically. And finally, effort – your individuality will not shine through without changing some of your conforming ways. Sometimes it takes thought and breaking through old patterns and behaviors, but it so worth it.

Blessings ~ Lisa

©COPYRIGHT 2012 Lisa Meade

Questions of Fear or Questions of Fierceness

Not all of our relationships are healthy. We know this. For some of us, we spend a great amount of time trying to work on them and trying to fix them. And if it is a relationship with ourselves we have even more of a vested interest to work on it. Being truthful and honest with this work will hugely impact its success. Many times we need to access what is going on to begin the work. Asking the right questions is important. If we pose questions that are fear based we really will only perpetuate the illness of the relationship and remain stuck in its dysfunction. Asking fierce questions that get us to peel back layers, to dig a little deeper and to explore with honesty gives us the freedom to grow in the relationship and to become empowered.

So what do questions of fear sound like? If you worry about any of the following then you are asking questions of fear. What will people expect me to be like? What if they don’t like me? What will they think of me? What if I fail? What if I embarrass myself or look foolish?

And what are empowering questions going to sound like? How about the following: Will this move me forward on my life’s path? Am I being honest with myself and with others? Can I be generous, compassionate or loving in this? Do I feel my energy expanding or am I shutting down?

Even in just reading these questions out loud you may possibly feel the difference in which your authentic Self resonates. It is amazing the power behind our questions to self. Having the courage to ask these questions and adjust accordingly will make a huge difference in our relationships both with our self and with others.

Blessings ~ Lisa

©COPYRIGHT 2012 Lisa Meade